Its Raining Here

Sort of~

Salam and Hello Netizens!

I'm thinking of shutting down my blog here. It does not serve the purpose I want it to be when I decided to do this. I don't want to rush on these. So, I'm still thinking.

Anyway, like I said countless time 2009 is not a good year for me. It doesn't help either that is nearing to its end but I'm praying that 2010 will change that and also the new hijiriah.

+In hope that things will change for me in 2010 I hope I can also change for a better. These day, i can be a melodrama actor. My tears can fall down like rain at NOthing. I'm sel-di (self-diagnose) that I'm depressed. Jeezzz... I hate being a sensitive biatch.

+My studies is holding me at one spot. Not able to move, I'm here stuck. Well, pondering about that all day serve me no good. So, I'm looking for job, while searching for a temporary part time that can give me money to feed my mouth but to no avail. Currently, jobless and pennyless I'm helping a little bit here and there for a BIG project lead by a relative.

+This BIG project required working with a Koreans and they are so demanding and fussy. What the hell with alphard and BMW 3series or above? Okay, maybe the statement did not imply to all koreans but the Entertainment Industry sure wants alot! And guys cool down! Whats with all the dispute with your recording company when we are this close to closing the deal. Just stay put, dont go drink and punch people, or hit and run or cancelling your contract whatever. Come back to your senses, sing and entertain people cause thats what people want you to do.

+I'm a bad girl. I always is actually. I hid it with my good girl act and smile. You just have to control it. Not saying anything bad and just listen helps in building the image. If you really need to speak up your mind, do it only in your mind. No pun intended. It sure helps me being twisted and introvert. Why suddenly saying all these weird things? well, I don't mind not saying things because I rarely see things i dont like since i really am blessed with great friends and company. Of course things change when someone not worth of me knowing their existense say things they have no business in and worst is critizising me? Whoa..I guess I overeact.... Well, that is an example of controlling yourself from saying things in your mind. If you do, put thousands of layer to it.

+Aside from being a sensitive b, I'm also losing my temper fast these days.

one of the few things that able to make me laugh these days. watch it and you'll agree.

well, I hope you all have a great day!

SMILE it makes you happy. Trust me.

blinded

am i a fool
that never say the right word
that never be at the right place
that always have the wrong timing

am i fool
to let you say whatever you wish
to let you do whatever you want
to let you treat me like this

i am a fool
to not say a thing
to not stand up for myself
to still let myself blush in pink

i am a fool
to think you know me
to think that i know you
when i know nothing all this time

i am a fool
thats what you said
when i told you my heart
when ive had enough

youre the foolish one
for not knowing what you lost
for not realizing that day i walk
i walk to the future ahead
without you in it.

snj. 0137.091222.
insp.091219.

Im thinking...

the promised place

im thinking
a coffee house with a sidewalk
looking out to a nicely empty road
apposite a worn out bookstore with a hot owner

im thinking
a nice colourful spring
with a whiff of freshly cut grass
and serenity creeps in my soul

im thinking
it would be nice
to have your smile
to have your scent
to have your eyes staring into mine

im dreaming always
your intoxicated laugh
your strangling words
and your deadly existence
but a dream is as it is

i let you go
to fulfill your destiny
i let you go
for you to come back

gidarida

1640.15122009.snj

yet again...

salam and hello people!

once i promise myself not to
to get myself here again
then again im here
pathetic huh?
not talking is bad
normal people need to talk
but its hard, i know
cause i am like that
i put myself in that room
locked and alone
blocking anyone coming in
i live like that for so long
how do you expect me to change?

Yeah, i have the dark side lingering in my mind. so need to get it out. physically too. so, im going out. breathing the polluted air of KL. and lastly, I need a new phone. My phone is already dead. My phone of 5 years. Aish.. I want iPhone. Sent me as a gift eh?

Enough with my bs.

Have a SuperGREAT day peeps!

guilty pleasure

Salam and hello!

Yikes! It has been a LOOOONG time since i splurged on books. I miss reading. James patterson, John Grisham, Jodi Picoult. Oh, they're my favourite writers. Due to my financial crisis, ive been holding on my desire and use money for food only. The last book i bought was John Grisham's The Associate I think. And it really doesn't help at all because Patterson's is publishing the 8th installment for the Women's Murder club and also for Alex Cross's which i haven't finished collecting yet. Urghhhh.......

Yeah, it has been tough though I occasionally went to see movies that cost me around rm8 to rm10 but other than that nothing. Thank god im not into shoes, bags or clothes. I wore hand me down, moms and charity clothes. hoho~~

Anyway, yesterday i went out. The condo's is suffocating. I need air. So, decide to go mid valley. Bought myself Papa Beards cream puff. LOVING IT. I am still on a tight budget not much different from last few months. So, I shut my eyes tight and bought two books.

James Patterson's Cross Country
Jane Austen's Emma

I had my own justification. Well, JP's is on 20% discount and JA's classic only cost rm13.90. heee... I know thats alot considering i can get it cheaper. Be nice to me eh? I need to read!

Have a great day, people!

im not married.. yet.

salam and hola peeps!

Its been a few days of eid. This year like last year was celebrated here in Kuala Lumpur. Its me and my lovely sister. Single and Very Much Available. Bwah~ Yeah how can we, two beautiful ladies can be boyfriendless and much more friendless.

After accepting the fact that we are both indeed going to spend hari raya with each other 'so lets make it at least somewhat fulfilling' thats what we think. (At this point, Im no longer understand what Im trying to deliver).

Anyway, we wake up at 7am (surprisingly!) and have our breakfast with some french toast and ayam masak merah. Oh, we cook the night before. Its my first time trying to cook. wahhaha~~~ To its not up to my moms cooking which i dont know what i did wrong. but its edible. (If and only if the taste is bad my sis surely knows how to act). Then, at 8am we head off to Masjid Al-Syakirin at KLCC. Sembahyang raya started at 8.30am and kinda ended on 9.30 am.

While waiting for my sis I sit at the back with this little girl and her sister. The little sister was staring at me and then whispered something to her sister. Sometime later, we kinda get into a conversation that i just found hilarious. Something like this..

LG: Akak tunggu orang ke?
Me: Aha, tunggu kakak. Korang tunggu mak ey?(personally i was shocked at this little girl ability to socialize. she noncholantly engage in a conversation to stranger easily)
LG: aah, mak ngan akak.
Me: datang satu family ke?
LG: aah, datang dengan mak, ayah, kakak, abg dengan adik ayah.

Seems like a normal conversation right? Then suddenly,

LG: akak, akak ni kaye ke?
ME: !!!!!! eh, tak la. nape cakap camtu?
LG: .... (she doesnt seem satisfied with the answer).

sometime later, she asked again.

LG: Akak, akak dah kawen ke?
ME: !!!!!!!!!!!!

I was shocked! I don't really see it coming. There is a theory though and a conclusion i made. Eons ago, a friend told me something along the line that I am high maintenance girl which i completely disagree. COMPLETELY. I can't see why would someone think like that towards me. And another friend told me that before she got to know better she always sees me as someone arrogant.. ah, i dont know. Do i really give this kinda vibe to people. No wonder I'm boyfriendless. We'll talk about this later.

Anyway, after solat we went to KLCC to watch New Moon. Its still early and closed but there are already people waiting outside. These people sure are crazy. Anyway, watched it and NOT LIKING IT. It sucks big time. I watched the first movie and very excited about it. After watching New Moon, I thought 'I must be crazy liking Twillight at the first place'. I just couldnt understand whats the hype is about but the funny thing is I had to fake about liking it in front of my sister cause she's just into it (and cause she paid for the movie). (T_T)

Holiday Mood?

salam and Hello people!

We are entering the last week of November. Today I literally wake up, switch on the wireless modem, and the laptop, to the kitchen preparing some toast and nescafe and stuck my face on youtube the whole day. Well, i did had my shower at 2pm and solat. I need a hobby! because i dont want to work. yet. Anyway, thats basically what i do these days at home. Gaining weight and fat. i need to exercise.

After settling things at school, i might considering flying back to Kuching. I am in no mood to answer questions on why can't i graduate when I even finish everything thats need to be done to my parents. Yeah, some fuck up system says cant register subjects even if its the only subject i need to fulfilled for graduation, its a computer system created by human, yeah us! how annoyingly twisted shit is that? I even already finished the damn report for marking. On some completely diffrent matter, I am 99% determine not to attend post graduate studies. Why? Dunno, really nami?. I really should made up my mind huh? Sometimes, I even decided to just sign up for the teaching course. Maybe my mum is right afterall.

And since, i might be a ghost student for another 6 months. I'm considering this option.

1) Die. I'm done with life. Bummer, I cant kill myself. Next.
2) Go back. And what? Next.
3) Work. 7E? hahahah.......
4) Study. Nihon? Hangul? Mandarin? Gardening? Money is needed. So, need find money. Money=Work. Need Work.

So I gotta work eh?

and wishing I LOVE YOU to the two lovelies of mine..

You both know I really LOVE both of you right?
heheheh... No presents from me. Im ms. Jobless remember?

A.S.K

Tengok pic terpampang kat cni
nampak sangat bebudak lagi kan?
cepat betul masa berlalu kan?
padahal baru mcm semalam lagi
kte jumpa kat koridor
blok B tingkat 3 left wing, Kolej Ibrahim Yaakub, UKM
sembang pun sbb nk pinjam iron
(kalo xsilap nami la)
walaupun org akan cakap 3 tahun jer pun
tp mase tuh kte same2 membesar
dari budak hingusan yg tatau pape

makan makanan m.cik kepe same2
xmandi same2 kalo xde air kt kolej
bengkak mate same2 mase karnival ratu
walapun mate nana lebih2 plak mcm panda
gosip xingat dunia same2, g stalk org kat friendster same2
betape lame jer rasenye zmn friendster dulu :-p
sekarang dh facebook, sume plak dh ader akaun KWSP.
nanti2, blanjer la.

Well then, cukup reminiscing for today. Nanti lebih2 terlebih pulak.

Have A Good Day people!